[Voices of Japanese Parents Abroad_Cambodia vol.1] Raising Five Children in Phnom Penh

Sayaka is raising five children in Phnom Penh with her Cambodian husband. In this first installment of a four-part series, we asked her about the on-the-ground realities of parenting and daily life.

“Children Are Society’s Treasure” — A Child-Rearing Environment Wrapped in Kindness

―First of all, have you noticed anything that is different from Japan while raising children in Cambodia?

I think the local environment is really good. For example, if a child makes a little noise at a restaurant or jumps on the sofa, nobody gets angry. The staff members are actually very kind to children, they'll pick them up or soothe them. If a child is crying, they'll show genuine concern and ask, "Are you okay? Are you hungry?"

―I see, it really feels like you're raising children as a community.

That's right. Even if they're not your child, people care about them. I think that's something you don't see much in Japan these days. In Japan, you might get looked at with suspicion, like "Are you raising your child properly?", or you might get some cold stares just for being barefoot, but Cambodia is really easygoing. Maybe it's because they don't think about it too deeply (laughs). I think it's a very child-friendly environment.

Phnom Penh cityscape

Growing Up Surrounded by Diverse Peoples

―Are there any things you're glad about regarding raising children in Cambodia?

Quite a lot of people from various countries come here for work, so I think it's good that children can grow up surrounded by diverse races. There are people from India, China, Korea, America, Canada, and Africa. I think it's really good that children develop the feeling from a young age that "all people are the same." Also, they are naturally exposed to various languages, so I think it's good that they naturally become fluent in two or three languages.

Scarcity of Child-Rearing Infrastructure and Everyday Ingenuity

―Conversely, are there any difficulties you face with raising children?

There aren't many parks. So, it's hard to find places to meet up with other moms. Also, the lack of safe sidewalks is a problem. Even if there are sidewalks, cars drive onto them and turn them into parking lots, so there are hardly any paths where I can walk with my children. I sometimes walk for 100 to 400 meters, but it's dangerous so I'm always nervous.

―How do you usually get around?

Mostly by car or "tuk-tuk". If it's a slightly larger one, all the kids can ride together, so that's what I usually use to get around. It's really convenient, you can ride it for about 100 yen for one meter, and you can catch one right away, so I ride it even for short distances. I wish we had them in Japan too (laughs). But because of that, I don't walk much and I think I'm not getting enough exercise.

Tuk-tuk on the street

―So there aren't many childcare support centers or facilities for families with young children?

I don't think there are many. Maybe I'm just unaware of them, but around me, Japanese mothers organize a weekly after-school program on their own. There are also some baby classes run by Westerners, but I'm not aware of any government-provided programs for this in Cambodia.

However, Phnom Penh is a city, so there are playgrounds inside department stores that you can use for 2-3 dollars. My friends often go to places like that to play. It's too hot to play outside. There are also many apartments with pools and playgrounds, so they use those places too.

Cultural Differences Felt in Daily Life

―Have you been surprised by anything while raising children in Cambodia?

Yes, I have. The way they express affection for their children is unique (laughs). When Cambodians find a child cute, they'll pinch their face tightly, lightly slap their bottom, or give them a gentle bite. A lot of people express their affection that way. It seems like they do it because the child is "too cute!!" I was really surprised at first. But you gradually get used to it (laughs).

―I see, it's interesting how expressions of affection differ from country to country. Anything else? I

feel that the way people interact, or the way they keep their distance, is different from Japan. Even among children, there isn't a culture of saying "Can I borrow that?" and borrowing it, and then saying "Thank you" and returning it. They just use it without asking and then leave it somewhere when they don't need it anymore. Also, it's hard to say "Can I join you?" when you want to join a group.

When adults scold children, they'll say "No," but they don't explain why it's no good. I feel like explaining those things properly to children doesn't happen, neither at home nor in schools.

Or perhaps it's related, but when children fight with each other or have problems, the parents generally don't intervene. They don't say a lot of things like in Japan. The basic stance is to let them resolve it amongst themselves. There are occasionally overprotective parents, but overall it feels like Showa-era Japan.

A main boulevard in Phnom Penh

It’s Important to Keep the Perspective that “We’re Being Allowed to Live Here”

―What do you think is important when raising children abroad?

I think it's important to have the feeling that you are "being allowed to live" here. This country is not our country. It's important to live while respecting the local culture and customs. I think that alone will make many things go well.

―That's certainly an important perspective.

Japan is a developed country, so I think that when you live in a developing country like Cambodia, you tend to worry about a lot of things. But Japanese ways of thinking aren't all right, and they don't work in every country. I feel that balance as a person is very important. I think it's good to respect others while also conveying what you consider to be "good."

[Overseas Parenting Column - Cambodia]
Vol. 1 Raising Five Children in Phnom Penh
Vol. 2 A Birthing Environment Where "All You Can Do Is Pray"
Vol. 3 The Reality of Balancing Housework, Childcare, and Work
Vol. 4 An Overly Flexible Education System and a Lack of Emotional Education

Family Dialogue・Column