[Voices of Japanese Parents Abroad_Korea Vol.5] Children Cherished in Korea

“Just having children around makes a community feel warmer.” Satoko, who is raising five children in Haenam in southwestern Korea, lives each day with that feeling. Korean society is permeated by a cultural concept known as jeong—a deep sense of human affection and connection between people. Within this culture, there is a strong tradition of raising children collectively as part of the wider community. In this installment, Satoko shares her thoughts on Korea’s child-friendly society, the affectionate relationships between parents and children, and how raising children in a multicultural environment has reshaped her own values.

“If a child sits still, they must be sick” — A surprisingly tolerant parenting culture

―Whataspects of raising children in Korea do you find easier compared to Japan?

First and foremost, it's the extremely tolerant culture towards children and child-rearing. It's not just tolerant; I'd say it's practically synonymous with tolerance. In Japan, people try to keep children quiet in public places, but in Korea, people around you will say, "If a child is sitting still, they must be sick."

Wherever you go, whether on a bus, train, or in a restaurant, people around you will help. Even if a child runs around in a restaurant, if other customers say, "It's okay," it's not a problem. When I took my eldest daughter to a restaurant alone while I was pregnant, she was fussy and I couldn't eat, but a customer behind us held her, and I was able to eat in the meantime. When I was on an airplane, strangers kept playing with her and holding her the whole time. I feel this is due to Korea's culture of "jeong" (affection) and the reality that children are precious due to the declining birthrate.

Raising children as a community — Elders watch over them like grandchildren

―What is your relationship like with the local people?

There are many grandparents who can't see their grandchildren who have moved to Seoul, so they dote on other people's children as if they were their own. There is a culture of the whole community taking care of each other, and they will hold your child and say, "My grandchild is about this size."

For example, when there was a village trip (a long-distance trip by chartered bus), even though we told the villagers that "it would be a nuisance if the child came," they strongly encouraged us to "bring the child, you have to participate!" Everyone took care of the child. We were very grateful.

At a seaside park (Photo provided by Satoko)

Affection and “Saranghae” — A country where love is openly expressed

―Have you noticed any differences between raising children in Korea and Japan?

Yes, I feel that there is a lot of physical contact and affection is expressed very richly in Korea. For example, when dropping off children at school, parents will see them off with a "hi, boppo (kiss)." My husband also sees off the children saying "saranghae (I love you)." The children also hold hands and walk in a line.

There are many mothers who run up to their children the moment they get out of the nursery school car, shouting "My son! My daughter!", and the expressions of affection are very rich.

―Are there any other cultural customs or practices that surprised you?

I was surprised by how common "child neglect" is in rural areas of Korea. They just leave the children out there to play on their own. I think this varies by region, but it seems to stem from the fact that the current elderly generation was busy living a self-sufficient life and it was considered safe to leave children unattended.

In the past, there were fewer cars, so the risk may not have been as high, but now there is a fair amount of traffic, so I don't think it's safe at all. Nevertheless, it seems that many Korean families around me either leave their children unattended or take it for granted that they will leave their children with me. When they see me watching over their own children, they think, "Well, I'll let my child play here too," and leave their children without saying anything. This culture surprised me the most.

Living with "jeong" — What parenting abroad has taught me

―How has raising children abroad changed your values?

In Japan, there is a strong belief that you should "never cause trouble for others," but thanks to Korea's culture of "emotion" and the environment where the whole community cherishes children, my values ​​have changed significantly. Unlike

Japan, where community relationships are weak, in Korea there are many opportunities to interact with people in the community, and I think there is a "give and take" relationship. I myself have many children and it is tough, but when I see someone who is raising children for the first time struggling, I can naturally say, "Can I help you?"

Also, I feel fortunate that just because I am Japanese and live in this area, Koreans are proud and say, "This is a good place," and I am accepted as a member of the community.

Children playing by the sea (Photo provided by Satoko)

[Overseas Parenting Column - South Korea]
Vol. 1: Giving Birth in South Korea (5 Parts)
Vol. 2: Proper Postpartum Care in South Korea
Vol. 3: Parenting and Education in Rural Areas
Vol. 4: The Reality of South Korea's Declining Birthrate
Vol. 5: Beloved Children in South Korea

Family Dialogue・Column