[Voices of Japanese Parents Abroad: Switzerland, Vol. 5] Establishing Firm and Thoughtful Family Rules

Ai (pseudonym), a mother raising four children in Switzerland, says that living in such a multicultural society makes it all the more important to have clear and consistent family rules.

The Importance of “Watching Over” Rather than Controlling

―You mentioned that you noticed differences in parental attitudes towards children in Switzerland compared to Japan, right?

I think there's a strong emphasis on "watching over" children. For example, in Japan, if a child touches another child's sand toys in the park, they'll be scolded with "No!" But you don't see that kind of thing very often in Switzerland. Even in those situations, parents often just watch over their children.

Overall, it's like parents don't try too hard, and the priority is on giving children "time to think for themselves." It's a culture where parents don't try to prepare everything in advance or interfere too much. It's

important for children to discover and learn things on their own. That's probably why children can grow up freely, at their own pace, and find their own path.

*The photo above is for illustrative purposes only.

The Importance of “Our Own Family Rules”

―I see, so it's a culture that values ​​"watching over" children. Are there any other things you personally value when raising children, Ai-san?

Along with a watchful attitude, I place importance on establishing clear rules that are unique to our own family. For example, depending on the customs of their country of origin, some children may have piercings from the age of zero, and some children may dye their hair in elementary school. There are no school rules like in Japan, so clothing and hairstyles are free. That's why I make sure to establish "our family rules" and share them with my children.

In reality, the rules vary considerably from family to family, depending on the nationality of the child's family, or on the individual's sensibilities. I make sure not to impose our family rules on my children's friends, and I tell my children not to be swayed by "what their friends are doing," but to "think about what you want to do and what you think you should do in each situation before acting."

*The photo above is for illustrative purposes only.

Why Family Rules Matter in a Place Without a Shared “Normal”

―What kind of rules does your family have, Ai-san?

For example, curfew. In Switzerland, it's winter for half the year and it's always cloudy, so during the short summer, everyone, adults and children alike, stays outside late to enjoy the sunshine. In our family, we limit outdoor playtime to 6:30 pm at the latest, but children from Eastern European countries often play outside until around 9 or 10 pm.

This is a difference in customs due to the difference in climate; they take a nap (siesta) at home during the hot daytime and come out in the evening. So, sometimes the doorbell rings around 7 pm and they invite us to play, but we usually decline because it's time for bed. In Switzerland, it's still bright like daytime even at 9 pm, so people can play outside.

When I look at the families around us, there are quite a few things that surprise me as a Japanese person. For example, there are families that don't eat "three meals a day" for religious reasons. In Switzerland, dinner is mainly a light meal of bread, cheese, and ham, so they might just eat a sandwich in the park for dinner. Furthermore, they play until late at night, come home, go straight to sleep, and only shower in the morning... There's no such thing as "normal."

So, we adjust things depending on the children's ages, and we discuss and decide together on "these are the rules for our house!"

Swiss food (provided by Ai)

[Overseas Parenting Column - Switzerland]
Vol. 1 A diverse international society - accepting differences and living together
Vol. 2 Pregnancy and childbirth experiences - rational and warm care supporting "postpartum care at home"
Vol. 3 Education that fosters "independence," "self-assertion," and "creativity"
Vol. 4 Living in a multicultural and natural environment
Vol. 5 Establishing clear "family rules"
Vol. 6 Re-examining "work" in daily life

Family Dialogue・Column