The Culture of "Amae" and Attachment

Exploring the connection between young children and their parents through "attachment" and "amae." In the context of today’s concerns about the weakening of parent-child bonds in Japan, understanding the relationship between "attachment" and "amae"—two concepts that describe the emotional connection between young children and their caregivers—has become an important topic of study.

• The Relationship between Attachment and Amae
• Is Attachment the Same as Dependency?
• The Transformation of Amae in Modern Japan

The Relationship between Attachment and Amae

The concept of attachment, especially in relation to infants and their caregivers, is now widely known. There is a growing consensus that forming a stable attachment in early childhood is vital to development. On the other hand, amae is a uniquely Japanese term used in everyday language. It became widely recognized as a key cultural concept following psychiatrist Takeo Doi’s publication of The Anatomy of Dependence (Amae no Kōzō：「甘え」の構造) in the 1970s.

Doi described amae as originating when an infant, after recognizing the mother as a separate being, seeks her out. He argued that the psychological tendency to amae remains strong even into adulthood among Japanese people, making it a deeply ingrained part of Japanese culture (土居1971).

Both attachment and amae concern the bond between a child and a parent, suggesting a strong conceptual connection. John Bowlby, a British psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, proposed the theory of attachment, while Takeo Doi, a Japanese psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, introduced amae. As contemporaries working in similar fields, it’s reasonable to assume that theoretical discussions developed around the intersection of their ideas. Examining the nature of these discussions could prove intellectually rich.

For example, how should we understand the relationship between pampering a child and fostering attachment? Are these the same? If so, should parents intentionally "pamper" their children? These are the kinds of questions many Japanese parents naturally find themselves asking in the course of childrearing.

Is Attachment the Same as Dependency?

Surprisingly, the relationship between amae and attachment is not so straightforward.

The English translation of Doi’s "Amae no Kozo" is "The Anatomy of Dependence." In other words, it has been rendered as “the structure of dependence.” However, Bowlby says the following about attachment: “Since the propensity to exhibit attachment behavior in certain circumstances is regarded as an essential part of human nature, to refer to it as ‘dependency’ is not only misleading but wholly inappropriate, because the word ‘dependent’ carries a pejorative implication (ボウルビィ 1988).” In short, Bowlby criticizes and clearly rejects the introduction of a psychological perspective of “dependence” into attachment behavior, which should be understood in terms of its biological function.

Clinical psychologist and attachment researcher Kudo  has also pointed out key differences between attachment and amae: “Would we call it amae when an infant, facing a frightening situation, runs to their caregiver for safety? When a small child is barked at by a big dog and clings to their mother’s leg in fear, would we describe this as amae? … I believe this is one of the most appropriate questions to highlight the non-equivalence between amae and attachment(工藤 2020).”

While attachment researchers emphasize that attachment is a behavioral science concept distinct from amae, Doi himself argued the opposite. In his "Sequel to the Anatomy of Dependence," he stated: “John Bowlby’s well-known behavioral science research on the bond between infants and mothers (attachment) could be said to be a study of amae phenomena. In fact, if attachment is translated as ‘aichaku’ (emotional attachment), it is nearly indistinguishable from amae.” He further argued that while attachment refers to behavior, amae captures the underlying feelings and desires that drive behavior—making amae more suitable for understanding human psychology (土居 2001).

Clearly, the debate over the connection between amae and attachment remains unresolved. In recent years, a new layer has been added to this discussion: the transformation of the cultural meaning of amae in contemporary Japan.

The Transformation of Amae in Modern Japan

In 2007, Doi added a postscript titled “Amae: Then and Now” to a revised edition of "The Anatomy of Dependence." He made an intriguing observation: “Nowadays, when people hear amae, they only think of one-sided pampering or childish selfishness.” He emphasized that these meanings were never part of his original concept—because they are, in fact, something different. Yet he noted with surprise that modern Japanese tend to associate amae with these negative interpretations.

Even the earlier example in this article—about "pampering" in parenting—reflects this modern connotation. As a result, it seems many Japanese people today view amae negatively. But Doi himself did not treat amae as something to be avoided. On the contrary, he considered it a universal human need.

From this perspective, we may be witnessing a fundamental shift in the way Japanese people perceive parent-child relationships. This could affect how younger generations of clinicians understand clients who display behaviors related to amae. This may explain why Kudo, a clinical psychologist in his 30s, repeatedly expressed difficulty fully grasping Doi’s ideas, even while carefully citing them.

In that sense, the clinical relevance of considering amae and attachment today lies in viewing attachment within the context of a changing culture of amae. This approach offers an important psychological lens for analyzing the increasingly fragile parent-child—and broader interpersonal—relationships in Japan.

(Added and revised from the August 2024 issue of "EN-ICHI FORUM")

References

• J・ボウルビィ（1988/1993：二木武監訳）母と子のアタッチメント―心の安全基地．医歯薬出版．
• 土居健郎（1971/2007）「甘え」の構造．弘文堂．
• 土居健郎（2001）続「甘え」の構造．弘文堂．
• 工藤晋平（2020）支援のための臨床的アタッチメント論―「安心感のケア」に向けて．ミネルヴァ書房．

Family Issue briefs and Researches